It’s Wednesday morning and I’m having a steaming cup of coffee while the little gremlins rolls around on the floor, and I’m watching the results of the U.S. election come in. Four years ago at this time, I thought it was a joke. They couldn’t be serious.

Fuck…

They were… Great… Just fucking great…

We’ve now had four years of watching from afar as the (already tarnished) American dream has rotted away. Donald Trump isn’t the cause of that. He is a symptom, not a disease. The symptom of a fascist nation, whos biggest enemy is its own citizens. I mean, the most fucking important achievement of their current head of state is that he birthed «fake news» and legitimized far-right hate groups.

The American dream, I dare say, is more important for those outside the U.S.. It is the mythology of the American Way, of the American Dream, of the Leader of the Free World. A mythology born out of Hollywood and literature, out of comic books and country music, out of the Doors and Elvis.

Of course, that fucking dream has never been real. Just make belief and wishful thinking. A dream sold to us outside the borders of the U.S. in order to bring us in to build the reality. It is a Ponzi scheme of a nation. A dream upheld by the blood, sweat and tears of its citizens. A dream that was just that, a cream.

There are race riots in the streets of several major american cities, there are over two hundred fucking thousand deaths due to Covid-19. Blatant corruption on the highest level of government and intentional polarization of the citizens. A fucking posse of far right scum basically attacked the opposing presidential candidate. Long live the American dream.

For me, the last four years have been a lot of changes. I started a project of turning my life around (Seven things I did to reboot my life; a stolen title) which yielded significant changes. I improves my health, I left my job as head of a security team to work within a field closer to my education and now work with video games as art and culture for young audiences. A job that happenstance let me meet the love of my life, who I now have two beautiful gremlins with (and two cats). I’ve let go a lot of negative parts of my life, including a few people, and I’ve embraced and encouraged positivity. All in all, it has been a wonderful few years.

I bring this up to add a touch of hope and joy to all this. ‘Cause this election isn’t giving a whole of that. (And it is not even “my” election.) Currently the election is unsettlingly close. The democrats have 225 electoral votes, while the misogynistic lying profeteering racist has 213 electoral votes. He does, not the republican party. Because this isn’t an election where there are two parties, it is an election where there is one political party and one avatar of a disturbing and twisted parody of the american dream.

It is as if the greasy parody of the sleezeball used carsalesman got behind the wheel of a nation. A conman who discovered new speak and disgraces decency for the sake of profit. “Grab them by the pussy!”, “Proudboys, stand down and stand ready.” A jackass that behaves like a four year old on a tantrum.

Four years ago I said that I’ll not set foot in the U.S. until at least ten years after the fascist left the office of the president, so that the country could heal before I dared set my feet there. And that I most likely would never set a foot there if he ever got a second term. Why? Because that would be the final nail in the coffin of the American dream. I am saddened by this. There are a lot of places in the U.S. that I have dreamt of visiting for a long time. And in the grand picture, my choice to stay away will matter little. That choice is for me. It is my statement to make.

Several people have said that this is not an election between presidents, but between ideals for what the U.S. is to be, and I agree with that. It is a choice between what the American Dream is. Or rather, if the American dream is exists at all.

At the moment I am enjoying my coffee while I am following the updates with unease. I am expecting bloodshed and violence from the fascists before the end of this, I am expecting that there will be attacks on the legality of the election should decency win. I am expecting the American dream to die. I hope I am wrong. The American dream put humans on the Moon, the American dream has inspired change, it has inspired art. At the moments there is little inspiration. Just a nervous sense of dread and participation.

We’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.