Concerning creative struggles
Written by Thomas Grønvoll
The death of creativity, creative struggles, writers’ block, apathy, lack of inspiration, can’t be arsed; a rose by any other name still smells like feet. That feeling of WANTING to be creative, the NEED to be creative, the NEED for perfection, but the LACK of initiative, the lack of energy and the lack of time. How can you feed your creative urges when everything else seize your attention and available time? The Venn diagrams are depressive.
Fatherhood
About two years ago the world changed and became smaller and more intense, filled with scary unknowns, and then we had a global pandemic. Becoming a father to twins just as the world shut down has been a challenge, in many ways, but especially concerning creativity.
Creativity has needed to take a backseat to familiar and work responsibilities, and the way I approach creativity has thus changed.
Which is only natural. When you have you take care of two little goblins and have to try and keep up with their lightning fast development -while also keeping on top of work responsibilities- it leaves room for little else. After all, there are only so many hours in the day and one does need sleep eventually. Right, kids? Eventually? Please?
Dear gods…
Photography
My primary outlet for some years has been landscape and nature photography, combining my love for hiking with my love for taking pictures of pretty/moody/creepy/beautiful shit. Tossing the gear into a backpack, making a thermos of coffee and a traveler’s lunch of meat and cheese, then heading out into the woods for a few hours. Smoking my pipe on a break.
An excercise in Zen, of clearing my mind, and creating. Trying to give form to what I experience.
Affordances
But 4-6 hour hikes are not a luxury that I can afford these days. Not without being selfish and adding to my better half’s burden. We can’t bring the stroller into the darkest reaches of the woods that I want to work with. The kids are just now big enough and mobile enough that they can walk on their own, but far from ready for a long hike.
The pandemic hasn’t really gotten in the way of enjoying nature, and family has spent a lot of time out in the woods and by the lake. It has been great. But the pandemic has turned us into loners that shun the light of human interaction, that hiss and howl at strangers in a crowd. Like trembling petals on a rotten black bough.
I would if I could, but I can’t, so I shan’t.
I jest in all of this, but the reality of the situation is that landscape photography has become something of a challenge. It hasn’t become impossible, as I’ve had the change every now and then when we’ve had family visiting, but it can’t quench the creative thirst these days.
And boy, the Pandemic Cabin Fever has given me a mighty creative thirst. Like an alcoholic elephant in the desert.
I truly believe that humans need to be creative, to make sense of the world around us; to give form to and manifest our interpretation of it all.
So I’ve turned back towards the written word, writing short stories, article, a novel; all in all, working on too many things and not focusing. Getting too distracted by new ideas. I’m even working towards launching a magasine (more on that later).
It is hard, because after so long I am rusty and my creative energy runs savage and unfocused. I need to create, yes, the drive is there. But what to create and compleate… that is difficult.
To be bold and fearless, let me paraphrase the Immortal Cartman:
I rack discipline!
But on a positive side, creativity is a thing of practice. You can’t just expect to master it at once, even if you could do it way back when. You need to practice to improve, to achieve diciplin.
Perfection
But there comes the other side of the issue for me. I end up not finishing things, because what I’ve written isn’t good enough or because I just have to fix this and then it would be a good idea to change that, but then I’d have to… and it goes on and on. The chase for perfection is the death of creativity, but it is also hoe you improve.
The creative need hitched to the need for perfection makes for unruly creatures that are never brought to term. That never see the light of day, because it isn’t ready yet, and it never will. Until we’re ready to say «good enough» and «that’ll do».
Sometime the journey is more important than the destination. Except when you’re headed to the toilett the day after a night of heavy drinking and spicy kebabs; then the destination is the fucking important bit.
Be selfish
The important part for me is the realisation that being creative is NOT being selfish, but an important part of functioning and working through the impressions before the RAM cache overflows and the Cheerios begin to taste like copper and static.
You can’t be ON all the time, you cannot be 100% focused all the time. Yes there are things that need to be done, things that ought to be done and a few things should be done. But trying to do them all at once is folly, filling every moment with what need/ought/should be done is stupid.
Stay awhile and listen
Learn to take a break, be creative; both for a purpose and just for being creative. Sometime the journey is more important than the destination. Except when you’re headed to the toilett the day after a night of heavy drinking and spicy kebabs; then the destination is the fucking important bit.
Creativity has many purposes. Not all are relevant at any given time. And while I talk about creativity here, it is as a tool for well-being. Creativity as a job? Creativity as something you depend on for covering your basic needs? Then forget about what I said here and get cracking. Deadlines don’t wait for a fucking Muse!
Deadlines don’t wait for a fucking Muse!
But I’ve finished this essay, so at least I’ve got that going for me, which is nice. All in all, creativity is necessary for being human and to make sense of the world around us. But fuck if it ain’t hard at times.
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